Thanks That Was Fun

Barenaked Ladies - Thanks That Was Fun

I’m learning. I’m yearning.
I’m burning all your stuff,
but that’s not enough.
I’m thinking that I’m aching:
Mistaking lust for love.

Thanks that was fun.
Don’t forget, no regrets ('cept maybe one)

Did I scare you when I dared you?
I stared you in the eye and told you good-bye.
You mocked me. It shocked me,
When you walked me to the bus.

Thanks that was fun.
Don’t forget, no regrets ('cept maybe one)
Made a deal, not to feel (god, that’s dumb)

Everybody knows the deal fell through.
I was hoping I could just blame you.
When was it that I became so soft?

This sentimentality doesn’t look good on me.
I thought that you would be begging to be with me.
I’m the one on my knees, blubbering,
“Please, let me stay”.

Deflated and jaded. I hate it when you call
(which isn’t at all)
I’ve spoken, though broken.
Here’s a token of my love.

Thanks that was fun.
Don’t forget, no regrets ('cept maybe one)
Made a deal, not to feel (god, that was dumb)
Don’t forget, no regrets ('cept maybe one)
Made a deal, not to feel.
Thanks that was fun.

Severus Snape pushed at the fire with a wrought iron poker. He bundled his robes around him tighter as the fall wind cut into him. Thankfully, he had remembered to put a windless circle around the small bonfire before he had burned the whole yard down.

He watched as the curly ginger head walked down his front steps. She never turned to look at him. Her arms were full of boxes. She walked to the house next to his and opened the screen door with one foot. It slammed behind her.

He felt a deep pang in his chest and turned back to the fire. He picked up a rich black velvet cloak and threw it in the fire.

“Well, that was stupid,” he heard an annoyed voice call out. He turned and saw Hermione looking at him, her brows furrowed. “You love that cloak.”

“I think it would be best if I erase all traces of you,” Snape sniffed imperiously, or at least attempted to. If he hadn’t been secretly crying all afternoon it might have worked. Instead he sounded like an elephant calling the herd.

She stared at him for a moment, then turned and stormed into the house.

‘Smooth’ he thought to himself. He didn’t want her to go at all. He wanted to gather her in his arms and hold her tight. Tell her she was going nowhere without him. He felt like she had ripped a gaping hole in his chest and now, finally exposed and bare, even breathing pained him.

It had all started not so innocently. The Potter brat had fallen taking out Lord Voldemort and Hermione hadn’t been seen for a few hours. Severus’ father had been a distant cousin to the Black family and Severus had visited there when he was young, years before his trip to Hogwarts. His young cousin had showed him some interesting quirks of the estate while he was there.

He pushed the head of the gargoyle on the third floor and twisted its tail a half turn. The door had swung open and he had found Hermione sitting on a bright orange, overly dusty loveseat bawling her eyes out.

To make a long story short, he had comforted her, she had looked at him, and he figured she was no longer his student so what the hell.

15 years later she was leaving like nothing had ever happened.

He had tried everything. He had argued with her. When that didn’t work he had yelled at her. How she could never find someone that loved her as he did. How she had no gratitude for all he had done for her. How worthless she was without him. When that didn’t work he had begged her not to go.

He had never been good with emotions and this was just another fine example. She was leaving him because he was “mean and disrespectful.” He was proving this quite nicely. He stared at the dancing flames and realized she was right. Again. He really did love that cloak.

The door opened next door and Ginny Weasley emerged. She walked across her yard and up the steps to his house. She shrugged at him when she saw him looking at her. A few minutes later she emerged, following Hermione and walked back to the house she shared with her brother, Ron.

He turned back to the fire and threw a flowered blanket into the flames. Even he thought burning the bedding was a bit excessive, but he was beginning to enjoy the looks she was shooting him as he burned every gift she had ever given him. It was a small thing, but he was going to hold onto it. He was not going to cry in front of her or the Weasleys.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and had to look up a few inches.

“You alright, mate?” asked Ron Weasley. His red hair had a few blonde streaks in it from the passing of years, but he still pretty much looked like he did 20 years ago when he graduated from Hogwarts.

“I’m fine Mr. Weasley,” Snape snarled at him. Ron looked stunned.

“No you’re not,” he said. “You haven’t called me Mr. Weasley in 15 years. Besides, your nose is all pink.”

Snape raised one black mittened hand up to cover his nose. He threw a dirty look at the parade of females moving boxes from his house to the Weasleys.

Ron handed him a flask. Snape unscrewed the cap and took a long drink.

“Now I know you’re not alright,” said Ron with a sense of finality. “Since when do you just ingest whatever someone hands you without examining it?”

“If you had any sense of honor or friendship you’d poison me now,” muttered Severus before taking another long drink.

“You’ll do it yourself if you don’t stop,” said Ron taking the flask from him. “What is wrong with you?”

“What’s wrong with me?” Severus exploded at him. “She’s leaving me!”

“Is this really a surprise?” yelled Ron back at him. Snape took a step back. “You could have been a little nicer to her!”

“I was nice!” Severus yelled back at him.

“You didn’t remember to invoke a silencing spell during all your fights,” Ron sneered at him, looking disgusted.

Severus fell silent, feeling slightly ashamed. He hadn’t meant it, of course. Just words yelled in anger. Mudblood had been used more than once. Not to mention a few more vulgar things.

“I didn’t mean it,” he muttered, running his hands through his liberally white streaked hair and turning back to the fire. “She knows I didn’t mean it.”

“You think that after all these years it might have sunk in?” asked Ron handing him the flask back.

Severus’ memories flashed back to that afternoon on that orange sofa. She had dominated him, popping the buttons of his waistcoat off and had him penetrating her before all their clothing was off. She had screamed out her climaxes and when he had been spent demanded more. She was exquisite.

Her scream changed to one of pain. Her arm was twisted behind her and he tightened his grip.

“Misborn brat, where would you be without me?” he heard his dream self sneer.

Severus took another drink from the flask and passed it back to Ron.

“Probably much better off,” a small voice said in the back of his skull. He squashed the small voice. He picked up a pair of embroidered leather slippers and threw them on the fire.

“Well, this is dumb,” said Ron, disgusted. “Those were nice. Hey, give me that nice cloak Hermione gave you last Christmas. It would be a crime to torch it.”

“Already gone,” said Severus, taking out a handkerchief and blowing his nose on it.

Ron threw his hands up in frustration.

“When you’ve regained your brain you know where I am.”

Severus saw Hermione marching determinedly at him and he stood up straighter and sneered at her as she approached.

He remembered her after she had finally been sated on that hideous couch. They had agreed they had nothing to be ashamed of. They were both adults and had the right to bonk with no strings attached if they wanted to. That theory had lasted for almost a year before they moved in together.

Her feet crunched through fallen leaves as she drew nearer to him.

“I think that’s the last of it,” she said, lips drawn tight.

“Good,” Severus stated coldly. “I hope you will find more appropriate lodgings soon.”

“I hope to be as far away from you as I can,” she said simply. “As soon as possible.”

She held her hand out to him. He stared at it for a minute before he reached out, shook it firmly. Once. Then dropped it.

“That’s it?” said Hermione, annoyed.

“Miss Granger,” Severus heard himself say. “I will always view you as an unwise distraction and inconvenience in an otherwise focused life.”

He saw her chin begin to quiver.

“And a minor one at that,” he said smoothly. He slid the locket from around his neck. It held her picture and a lock of her hair He threw it into the flames.

He saw the tears start to fall as she turned to go. To his surprise her eyes were angry, not sad. Her retreat was a stalk, not a run.

She really meant it this time. And there was nothing he could do.

He increased the intensity of the fire and it burned itself out in a few seconds. The sun was beginning to go down and the chill in the air was growing. Without the fire, Severus became more aware of his surroundings.

It was quiet and the sky was a deep blue. Pink streaked it in places, and the fog was rolling in.

Lights burned merrily on the street. Down the street, pink sparks shot out of the fireplace belonging to Fred Weasley and his wife. Snape saw shadows of small heads jumping up and down in the shaded windows. He shook his head. The new waves of Weasleys were getting ready to hit Hogwarts. 27 in all counting George, Bill, Charlie, and Percy’s in addition to Fred’s. He shivered at the thought, slightly distracted from Hermione.

He turned and looked at his own house. Its windows dark and shuttered. He glanced at Ron and Ginnys house and saw a corner of a window flicker as Hermione dropped the drape when he looked in her direction. He sighed and shook his head.

Severus stalked across his yard and up the stairs to his front door. With a wave of his wand, the heavy oak door swung out for him. He walked into his house and felt his feet sink into the deep red carpet covering his entryway. He turned to look at the Weasley household again.

He felt his eyes begin to tear up. He did the only thing he could think of doing. He waved his wand and his front door banged shut.

2

Thanks That Was Fun Chapter 2

Severus Snape felt himself waking, but hesitated to open his eyes yet. He reached an arm out and it met with an expanse of rough empty bedding. He frowned confused for a moment before he remembered.

Hermione had left him. And he had burned all the nice bedding she had gotten him. His body ached because he had polished off a bottle of brandy last night by himself. He cracked open an eye. The slight filtered light through his bed curtains felt like small spears boring themselves into his skull. He winced.

Severus heard a small scuttling in his room and he called out.

“Kala?” he groaned.

“Yes, Master?” said a squeaky, tentative voice.

“There is a purple flask in the right bottom drawer of the desk in my study,” said Snape slowly. “Please bring it to me.”

“Yes, Master!” said the house elf cheerfully before running off.

Severus felt his unshaven cheek catch in the uneven fibers of his pillowcase. He groaned in the dark.

“I have the bottle, Master,” said an enthusiastic squeaky voice on the other side of the curtain.

“Thank you, Kala,” said Snape as he reached through a parting in the curtains to retrieve it from her. He unscrewed the top of the flask and brought it to his lips. The potion was bitter, but almost immediately his headache began to subside.

He pulled back his bed curtains and swung his feet onto the floor. A wave of nausea hit him momentarily, but ebbed as the potion kicked in.

Snape raised his head and his eyes darted around the room. Her hairbrush was gone. So was her favorite sweater. The one she always threw on the trunk on the end of the bed instead of hanging up. His eyes moved faster, searching for some sign that she really had been there, but he couldn’t find anything.

He stood up and looked on his dresser. Even her nail clippers were gone. He opened her drawers, but found his clothing in them, as if she didn’t even have the decency to leave behind the space she had occupied.

Snape reached up to fidget with the chain around his neck, but didn’t find it. Then he remembered he threw it in the fire yesterday. Maybe it didn’t melt. It still could be out there in the ashes.

He’d never let her see him going through the remnants of the bonfire trying to find it, and he didn’t feel like asking a house elf to go and get it. He’d have to go look for it tonight after the neighbors went to bed.

Snape looked out his bedroom window and saw Ginny Weasley walking out to her stone shed. Her red hair lay in a braid down her back, her purple flannel shirt was tucked neatly into her jeans. After she entered light green smoke began rising out of a small smokestack poking out of one wall. She’d be out there several hours forging and shaping the magic infused metals she kept on hand to make magical trinkets for wealthy wizarding women.

He watched Ron hop on his broom and head off for the Ministry. He would be home for lunch in a few hours, but until then Hermione would be in the house alone.

Snape wondered what she was doing. Was she sleeping in? Did she even sleep last night? He should have made her a potion. He shook that thought from his head. One woman was not going to reduce him to a level of…missing her terribly.

He took a deep breath and tore himself away from the window. He would have to learn how to adapt.

Snape reached for a dark grey robe and belted it tightly around his waist. He padded barefoot down to the kitchens for breakfast.

He was halfway through his breakfast when the mail arrived. He stopped mid-bite when he saw a peach colored scroll. The return address was from an attorney in Hogsmede. He undid the blue ribbon around it and read it with shaking hands.

Mr. Severus Snape,

On the request of Mrs. Hermione Granger Snape a formal request for legal separation has been filed at the Ministry of Magic. Your compliance with wizarding laws regarding this matter would be in your best interest.

~Phyllis Lyons

Department of Records

‘Don’t stalk her or threaten her,’ is what you mean, Snape thought bitterly. How am I not supposed to look at her when she’s next door. He scanned the page again.

She had filed for separation, not divorce. A bit of the weight on Snapes shoulders seemed to shift. He still had a chance.

3

Thanks, That Was Fun Chapter 3

Hermione sat near a shaded window in Ron and Ginnys living room reading a book when the post arrived.

A tiny owl no bigger than both her fists flittered around her, a parchment folded and sealed with red wax in its grip.

“Come here, you,” she said gently as she plucked it from the air and read the return address.

Dennis Creevy: Attorney at Law

Hermione held her breath as she broke the seal.

Mrs. Hermione Granger Snape,

At the request of your separated husband, Severus Snape we have been urged to contact you with a counter offer.

Mr. Snape has decided to undergo counseling to address his problems with rage and general communication. He asks that you have a meeting in 6 months time to revaluate your marriage and urges you to take no more steps towards the dissolution of your marriage until then.

Your lawyer can contact us with your answer at the return address.

Sincerely,

Dennis Creevy

Attorney at Law

Hermione stared at the letter in her hands. Counseling? Severus? She couldn’t possibly fathom the thought.

As she stared at the parchment in her hands another owl zoomed into her window and dropped another parchment into her lap. It was in identical handwriting to the first, although in an unmarked envelope.

Hermione

He’s a real mess. He means it about the counseling. I’d give it a shot, it’s only 6 months.

Hope you’re doing well. Give my regards to Ron and Ginny.

Dennis

Hermione looked at the second letter and smiled. Dennis always had a soft spot for Ginny. She’d have to invite him to dinner soon. She held up the first letter and shook her head.

Hermione stood up and put the letters down on a small table near where she was sitting. She went looking for her cloak and shoes.

Kala came sliding around the corner into Severus’ den.

“Madame is at the door,” Kala panted excitedly.

“What?” said Severus, looking up from a stack of notes in front of him.

“Madame is at the door,” Kala sang happily.

Severus got to his feet quickly, checking his reflection in a mirror briefly before he went to the front door.

Hermione stood there in the crisp autumn breeze, a burgundy cloak wrapped around her.

“Can I help you?” Severus said in what he tried to make a casual manner.

“I’m not sending an owl to my lawyer to have him send an owl to Dennis to have him send an owl to you when you’re next door,” Hermione said annoyed.

“That’s reasonable,” said Severus. He leaned his dark clothed form against the door frame. He was still striking even though he was nearing 60. Hermione fought back the urge to cradle him and tell him she was going nowhere. He would learn nothing and life would be back to normal before long. She would make him go through with this.

“I accept your counter proposal,” said Hermione slowly. “I will agree to meet you in six months.”

“Thank you,” Severus said, looking sincere.

“Until then,” Hermione said holding out her hand.

“Until then,” Severus said shaking her hand like a normal person.

Hermione saw a flash of silver near the edge of his collar. He was lucky Ginny made the locket fireproof.

4

Thanks, That Was Fun Chapter 4

Severus Snape sat stiffly on the edge of his chair in the waiting room of Victoria Macmillan’s office. It was a cheerful room, painted a pale yellow. The doors entering and leading deeper into the building were both a light wood. A pudgy red haired girl sat behind the desk attempting to look busy, but in reality was really shuffling papers about. Untouched magazines with titles like Quidditch Quarterly and Golfing Around the Globe sat near him on a low table.

There was no title on the exterior of the building, insuring the privacy of Macmillan’s clients.

Unfortunately for Severus, he had taught generations of Hogwart’s students and his identity was no secret. The secretary was eyeing him warily.

A small bell chimed from within the walls.

“Mrs. Macmillan will see you now,” the secretary said with a faint smile.

Severus didn’t know whether it was from fright or she was mocking him. He had no doubt her job also entailed a bond of silence, he hoped she took it seriously. He fixed her with a stony gaze as he passed by her desk and she paled considerably.

Wordlessly, he walked through the other door.

As the door shut behind him with a satisfying click he felt a little better. Temporarily.

“Did you terrorize poor Mabel?” A tiny, stout, grey haired woman in conservative blue robes stood before him with a demanding expression on her face.

“I did nothing of the sort,” Snape frowned at her. She snorted.

“You have a problem controlling your emotions, Severus,” the woman softened a bit. “You were always a volcano waiting to happen, even when you were small.”

“I was nothing of the sort,” he scoffed.

“Then why are you here?”

Snape stayed silent.

“Good,” she said with a firm nod. “You admit there’s something you need to deal with. This is a significant step, Severus.”

He gave her a foul look, but approached the set of grey chairs in the corner with a resigned look.

“Agatha Berger heard it from Millie Tuttle who heard it from Jack Kensington that he defiantly went to Victoria Macmillan’s office last Thursday,” Ginny said with a firm nod.

“Well, that settles that, then,” said Ron looking torn between skepticism and laughter.

Hermione shook her bushy head and took a sip from the tea cup sitting in front of her.

A small cooking fire in a small stone fireplace crackled behind her; a large heavy pot bubbled slowly. Ginny rose to stir the contents briefly.

“So he went to talk to Victoria,” Hermione said flatly. “They are cousins.”

“She helps people, Hermione,” Ginny sighed.

“It doesn’t mean she can help him,” Hermione said sarcastically.

“It doesn’t mean she can’t either,” Ron said, stretching his arms and giving a hopeful look to the pot of stew Ginny was attending to.

Hermione rose and opened an enchanted breadbox. Warm bread steamed invitingly as she lifted a loaf out and set it on a wooden breadboard.

“I just can’t possibly fathom it,” Hermione said, turning to face her friends. “Severus in counseling.”

“He cares for you,” Ron said cautiously.

“As much as he can, anyway,” Ginny pointed out.

“I think that’s the problem,” Hermione said somewhat mournfully as she took a bowl of stew from Ginny. “I really think that was his best try.”

Severus lay awake in his bed, staring at the underside of his canopy.

He could do this. He would do this. He loved her. She belonged t— with him.

He discovered in her mad rush she had forgotten a single black ribbon she used to hold her hair back when she was assisting him with his experiments. It still lay as a placeholder in the book they were working out of when she left. If he closed his eyes and breathed in deeply his imagination made it smell faintly of her shampoo.

He had tied it around a post of the bed, on the side she would normally occupy. Vaguely, he hoped she would return to retrieve it.

Perhaps one day she would.

5

Thanks, That Was Fun Chapter 5

Hermione woke to a scrabbling at her windowsill. She grumpily rubbed her eyes and slowly got out of bed.

The sun was filtering through her curtains and she wondered what time it was. Maybe it was a proposal from the Ministry again. The Minister of Magic, a fellow named Hiram O’Connell, seemed to think a lot about her opinion and had independently contracted her for research projects before.

However, she had been married to a capable potions master at the time.

When she opened the curtains she saw a small package on the sill. She frowned and undid the latch, letting a brisk wind into her room.

“Blast,” she protested as she quickly grabbed the package and slammed the window shut. She rattled the box and felt something light and solid bump the sides of the container.

Hermione reached for her wand and gestured at the box. It blossomed open and Hermione lifted a silver bangle bracelet out. She looked in the box and saw nothing else.

She had never received anything like this from Severus before. Perhaps it was part of his counseling. She shrugged and put the bangle back in the box. Better check it for hexes, just in case.

Hermione padded to the kitchen, pocketing the box in the folds of her robe.

“Good morning, Hermione,” Ron said, unusually cheerful for this time of the morning. Hermione frowned at him and sniffed the air.

“Sausages?” Hermione asked.

“And buns, bacon, tea, and eggs,” Ron said happily, gesturing towards plates of food on the wide wooden kitchen table.

“Did your mother stop by?” Hermione asked in a confused tone.

“Kala came by,” Ron said, looking at Hermione as if she were stupid. “It’s your anniversary.”

Hermione felt as if her feet had been glued to the floor. Her stomach felt heavy and her face felt flushed.

“Are you alright?” Ron exclaimed, looking alarmed. Hermione swayed slightly and he stepped up to take her arm.

“What’s going on?” Ginny asked as she walked into the kitchen and saw Hermione. She looked at the food and back to Hermione. “What is all this?”

“Hermione’s breakfast,” Ron said.

“It’s my anniversary,” Hermione said weakly. Now there was no doubt who the bangle was from.

“You did what?” Severus asked the small house elf, cowering before him.

“It was Master’s anniversary,” Kala said in a tiny voice. “It was just a small trinket. A silver band for the wrist. And food for the morning.”

“I suppose it will be fine,” Severus said, wincing as he drew in his temper. He hoped Hermione wasn’t in a mood. He didn’t want to hear from a lawyer this early in the day.

Severus went about his day. He drank his coffee, went over his notes for the Minisrer of Magic, and walked back to his rooms to dress for the day. As he finished buttoning his collar he heard a scrabbling at the window.

The Weasley owl, Pig, was fluttering outside his window. When the latch was released the small bird fluttered in, dropped a small card, and fluttered out.

Severus shrugged and reached for the card. A familiar handwriting was on it. One that was usually cramped in the margins of his notes, scrawled over his theories, looped on tablets in the kitchen listing groceries and potions ingredients.

Thank you.

H.

Severus felt a mad desire to kiss his house elf.

Hermione ate dinner alone in her room that night. A single candle burned and she ate slowly. Her steak was rare, perhaps a bit more than she would have liked. Her potatoes were a bit undercooked as well. The carrots were slightly crunchy. It was almost as if she wanted to spend as little time in the kitchen as she could.

She had completely forgotten it was her anniversary. Goodness knows, it was the first time Severus had acknowledged it. The bangle felt cold against her wrist. She had placed an empty chair next to her. Somehow she thought it was fitting.

A small knock came at her door.

“Yes?” she called out.

“Are you OK?” Ginny asked, as she cracked the door to Hermione’s room. “Oh for pity’s sake!”

Hermione lowered her eyebrows.

“You’ve been around him too long. You wallow as much as he does,” Ginny said, throwing a look to the empty chair.

Hermione put her fork down and began to sob.

“I’m sorry!” Ginny said, quickly moving into the room and giving Hermione a hug. Ron poked his head in the room, shook it and disappeared.

“I miss him,” Hermione choked out.

“Of course you do,” Ginny said. “You love him.”

“But I’m not going to take it anymore,” Hermione insisted, wiping at her tears angrily.

“He knows that,” Ginny said softly. “It looks like you’ve really gotten to him this time.”

“I’ve thought that before,” Hermione said.

“He’s never made this much of an effort before,” Ginny reasoned.

“Because I’ve never pushed him this far before,” Hermione protested. Ginny sighed.

“Either have some faith or cut him off,” Ginny said. Hermione’s head snapped up. “It’s not fair to make him do all this if you’re just going to discard him.”

“It wasn’t fair of him treat me poorly, either,” Hermione said angrily.

“Revenge doesn’t suit you,” Ginny sniffed. Hermione’s shoulders slumped. “You aren’t very good at it, either.”

“Not when it comes to him, at least,” Hermione said with a sniff.

“Thank heaven for that,” Ginny said, with a small smile. “I think we’d have to move if you were.”