Stories / Harry Potter
A Petty Argument
Official correspondence turns into something completely different.
Content History
Content Warning
This story is rated Mature and may contain mature content.
For: alley_skywalker
New Order Finance Authority
Acquisitions Department
*London *
September 9, 1998
Officer Dolohov,
Although we understand the sensitivity of your position and the importance of you mission, we cannot requisition you any more supplies at this point in time. Please make the best of what you have.
Lucius Malfoy
Head of Finance
Senior Office of the Authority
Interrogation and Information
*Azkaban Prison*
September 11, 1998
Officer Malfoy,
After some discussion and study we have found several places where our previous requests are not implicitly needed at this time. Enclosed is a new requisition form with significant cuts to our requirements.
There’s only so much we can do without the proper tools to work with. One would hope our work is considered important in the new order. Many departments would find themselves with nothing to do if not for us.
Antonin Dolohov
Head Inquisitor
New Order Finance Authority
Acquisitions Department
*London *
September 14, 1998
Officer Dolohov,
In recent light of several investigations that have turned up nothing, the Authority has decided necessary cutbacks are needed within your department, specifically. I’m afraid we’re taking orders directly from above and our hands are tied. We sent what we could, but our restrictions were quite firm.
Lucius Malfoy
Head of Finance
Senior Office of the Authority
Interrogation and Information
*Azkaban Prison*
September 15, 1998
Officer Malfoy,
Our officers thank you for what you were able to send along, but I have the impression that some of those ‘firm restrictions’ were more conservative than the Authority would allow.
Enclosed is another requisition form marked ‘Code Blue.’ I sincerely hope it’s given the proper attention it deserves and at least one of our problems will be solved.
Antonin Dolohov
Head Inquisitor
New Order Finance Authority
Acquisitions Department
*London *
September 15, 1998
Officer Dolohov,
We have reconsidered your position and have sent along emergency supplies as requested. Please be conservative.
Lucius Malfoy
Head of Finance
Senior Office of the Authority
Interrogation and Information
*Azkaban Prison*
September 16, 1998
Officer Malfoy,
If it is possible I would like to arrange a meeting with several department heads about the rationing of supplies. I hope I could convince you to come.
Antonin Dolohov
Head Inquisitor
New Order Finance Authority
Acquisitions Department
*London *
September 17, 1998
Officer Dolohov,
A meeting on the matter was held three Mondays ago with the Dark Lord himself in attendance. Every option was talked about before coming up with what we considered to be a reasonable ration table.
Lucius Malfoy
Head of Finance
Senior Office of the Authority
Interrogation and Information
*Azkaban Prison*
September 17, 1998
Lucius Malfoy,
You are a terrible liar!
While I was aware of the meeting and some of the items discussed therein, I refuse to believe that the Dark Lord himself participated in a discussion about rationing toilet paper.
It’s not like we can give them their wands to do it the proper way and there are just too many to keep up with. Rowle tried resorting to hosing them down, but we lost several prisoners to chill.
I can’t believe this is even an issue. No decent wizard should have to put up with this.
Antonin Dolohov
Head Inquisitor
New Order Finance Authority
Acquisitions Department
*London *
September 18, 1998
Officer Dolohov,
I resent the implications of your last letter. Since it was sent through official channels I have no choice but to report your infraction to the Authority. (Vol.3, chapter 1, section 2, paragraph 3: verbal assaults and accusations against Requisitions and the Finance Department.)
Lucius Malfoy
Head of Finance
Senior Office of the Authority
Interrogation and Information
*Azkaban Prison*
September 22, 1998
Officer Malfoy,
I’m afraid that after your last outburst and the implications and investigation thereafter leave me no choice but to mention that you swipe all the good booze out of the evidence lockers before they’re properly processed.
Good day!
Antonin Dolohov
Head Inquisitor
New Order Authority
Investigations Department
*London *
September 22, 1998
Officers Dolohov and Malfoy,
In light of your recent behavior we would humbly request that you refrain having your little spats through official channels. We have enough work to do.
Lucius, return the booze you haven’t guzzled down like a fish.
Antonin, we deeply apologize for any inconvenience. Apparently Officer Malfoy became overzealous when carrying out the Dark Lord’s order to cut unnecessary expenditures. Basic necessities from Form K-45 are never to be rationed.
Now that we have that cleared up we don’t want to hear another peep out of you two. The Dark Lord is sorely disappointed in the both of you.
Fenrir Greyback
Head of Investigations
Lucius Malfoy
Malfoy Manor
*Wiltshire *
September 25, 1998
Most Beloved Master,
We would like to convey our deepest apologies in regards to our behavior. We have settled our differences and there will be no more incidents from either of us.
Please accept this humble token in good faith.
Lucius Malfoy – Head of Finance, London
Antonin Dolohov – Head Inquisitor, Azkaban
“Do you think it will be enough?” Antonin held up the small bottle to the window and shook it in the light. The glass was thick, giving the impression that the bright green liquid was suspended at the core of a diamond. The gold and glass stopper glinted before Lucius swiped it from him.
“I sincerely hope it does. The bottle alone is worth a fortune.” Lucius grumbled.
“What does the potion do?” Antonin asked curiously.
“Turns the drinker into a tree. Permanently. No body. No evidence.” Lucius said bitterly as he tucked the bottle into a small, velvet lined box and fussed over it. “Been in the family forever.”
“Then how do you know it still works?” Antonin asked nervously.
“Gave a drop to one of the chicks this afternoon; had a new bunch hatch last week,” Lucius said as he fitted the snug top to the box. “Screamed. I didn’t expect that, poor thing. But it twisted up and rooted and I have a lovely new sprout in a pot to show for it.”
“What kind of tree?” Antonin asked curiously.
“I’m not sure,” Lucius admitted. “Herbology was not one of my strong points.”
Antonin nodded bleakly as Lucius tied a neat bow around the package. He glanced up and they locked eyes. Lucius’ expression turned furious.
“This is your entire fault!”
“My fault?!” Antonin exploded. “How is any of this my fault?”
“You’re the one that threw that snooker game and started this whole mess!” Lucius snarled.
“I didn’t blow that game and you know it!” Antonin’s eyebrows furrowed. “Not that I’m proud of it!”
“You’re telling me that Crabbe beat you honestly? He can’t find a pocket to save his life! And he certainly wouldn’t risk it by enchanting the table at the Officers’ Club. They’d have him cursed for treason to the New Order.”
“But he must have done something that night!” Antonin insisted. “Bumped into me like he normally does to completely mess up my first shot. Then he just cleared the table!”
“You expect me to believe that?” Lucius folded his arms.
“You were in the loo nearly the whole time! What do you know?” Dolohov frowned deeply.
“I know what Jacoby told me! You gave him the ball and he went for it!” Lucius said, fuming.
“If I don’t let him touch the ball he becomes completely horrid to deal with and you know it.” Antonin rolled his eyes. “He usually loses it as fast as he gets it.”
Lucius paused for a moment. “What happened differently this time?”
“He cleaned up!” Antonin said with a bewildered look on his face. “Why’d you stay in the loo so long? I could have used another set of eyes.”
“Upset stomach.”
“Don’t you think that’s strange?” Antonin said thoughtfully. “Who else had money on that game?”
Lucius’ eyes narrowed. “It shouldn’t be hard to find out. Wilkins always put up a fuss whenever he has to pay anything out. We can just go back to the Club and find out.”
“You’ve been banned after what you did to the bathroom. A month, remember?” Antonin reminded him.
“I wasn’t comfortable using magic after that much ale,” Lucius said stiffly. “You could have helped.”
“I wasn’t going near that loo unless my life depended on it. There’s another, perfectly good one on the third floor.” Antonin snorted.
“Well, I’m sure there is another ‘perfectly good’ office for you to requisition toilet paper,” Lucius said sweetly.
Antonin squawked loudly. “Are you serious?!”
Lucius just smirked at him. He took a drink from a small tumbler before looking serious. “You have to admit that requisition order was a bit over the top.”
“I know what I require to do my job,” Antonin said coolly.
“Silver-plated thumbscrews?” Lucius gave him an exasperated look. “Honestly!”
“It’s easier to find shiny things in the dark,” Antonin grumbled.
“Five hundred candles?”
“They hate the hot wax!”
“I bet they do! But when you’re done you need to recycle it!”
“But it’s dirty!” Antonin made a face.
“Are you running a torture chamber or planning a dinner party?” Lucius asked, his hands on his hips.
“You know I like things to have a bit of style.” Antonin sighed.
“I have to make excuses for you, you know. It’s not my idea of a fun time.” Lucius said grouchily.
“And I deeply appreciate it,” Antonin said as Lucius tied the package to a large owl and opened the window. It took to the air and soared out, over the orchard that the window overlooked.
“Sometimes I think not nearly enough,” Lucius said with a snort.
He felt Antonin’s hands gently light on his hips and the inquisitor’s soft lips on the back of his neck.
“You know I do,” Antonin breathed in Lucius’ ear. Lucius tilted his head to one side, allowing Antonin better access to the soft flesh of his neck.
“Care to show me?” Lucius asked, glad Antonin couldn’t see his smirk.
Lucius felt a hand slide over his hip and around to the front of his robes. He gasped as it slid over his erection and began stroking it.
“I think I would.”